An arresting story about starting over after a friend’s suicide, from a breakthrough new voice in YA fictiondear caitlin, there are so many things that i want so badly to tell you but i just can’t.

Devastating, hopeful, hopeless, playful . . . in words and illustrations, Ingrid left behind a painful farewell in her journal for Caitlin. Now Caitlin is left alone, by loss and by choice, struggling to find renewed hope in the wake of her best friend’s suicide. With the help of family and newfound friends, Caitlin will encounter first love, broaden her horizons, and start to realize that true friendship didn’t die with Ingrid. And the journal which once seemed only to chronicle Ingrid’s descent into depression, becomes the tool by which Caitlin once again reaches out to all those who loved Ingrid–and Caitlin herself.

My Review

“There used to be days that I thought I was okay, or at least that I was going to be. We’d be hanging out somewhere and everything would just fit right and I would think ‘it will be okay if it can just be like this forever’ but of course nothing can ever stay just how it is forever.”

Losing someone very close to you is one of the hardest things we all have to face in our lifetime. It’s part of life but it never gets any easier. We all have our ways of coping with the death of a loved one. How would you cope with that loss and find yourself again? Caitlin is dealing with the loss of her best friend and these are her words of trying to live life after death.

Caitlin loses her best friend to suicide and she doesn’t know how to live her life after losing Ingrid. Everything that makes her who she is and makes her happy seems to make her guilty about moving on after losing someone so close to her.

As Caitlin finds ways to cope with the loss, she finds Ingrid’s journal underneath her bed. As days turn into weeks, she starts to read a page a day until she finds something she never thought she would.

With the help of a new friend, family support, and going through new life experiences, she tries to find the perfect groove to honor her late friend and live her life at the same time.

Will Ingrid’s hidden journal shed some light on her mental health? Or will answers never come to light?

We are always looking for answers to questions that might not have any actual answers and this sheds some light on that theory. When we lose someone close to us, we always have more questions than there are answers. What we always end up with is why? This book hit me like a punch. I lost someone close to me over a year ago and even though I know what she passed away from, I still ask why her? and why right now? This made me look at my own life and relive some heartbreaking moments all over again.

Caitlin was such a strong character even though she showed all her weaknesses. She showed us that things aren’t always easy but if you open up to the right people then things will get better. Even though this story was surrounded by Caitlin and her life after losing her best friend, Ingrid’s story is the one that sticks out the most. It leaves quite an impression on you.

Hold Still was an emotional and fantastic read. It dealt with a very heavy subject and I suggest treading lightly while heading into this one. It was well-written with a lot of heart and compassion. It makes the reader break and get pieced back together right along with the characters.

If you or if you know someone who needs help, please reach out to someone. I know not everyone will believe you but I believe you. I know what you’re going through and how that feels. Just remember that you’re important and your life matters.